All I can say seems useless- and all I could say might be no less unavailing. Yet, I still cling to the wreck of my hopes before they sink forever.
I am in love with you. I have been thus since the first time you said my name. For those dear lips, upon uttering the very first letter of my name, shot through my heart, and through my bleeding vitals, delicious poison, and an avoidless but yet a charming ruin.
Ever since we last spoke, I hear nothing but your voice. I even stopped listening to everything people say to me. I want to hear your voice, not theirs. When I am with you I leave my sarcastic, contemptuous nature. I wish I felt your head on my shoulder.
I can't help loving you more than is good for me, in you I have a measure for every woman, for everyone... My life seems like a dessert fanned by the delicious breeze of your breath and it's cool spring are your eyes.
Some lines I read the other day are continually ringing a peal in my ears:
„To see those eyes I prize above mine own
Dart favors on another
And those sweet lips (yielding immortal nectar)
Be gently press'd by any but myself—
Think, think V, what a cursed thing
It were beyond expression!“
Nothing compares to your hands, nothing like the glow of your eyes. My body is filled with you for days and days. You are the mirror of the night. The violent flash of lightning. The dampness of the earth.
I am nearly mad about you, as much as one can be mad: I cannot bring together two ideas that you do not interpose yourself between them. I can no longer think of nothing but you. In spite of myself, my imagination carries me to you. I grasp you, I kiss you, I caress you, a thousand of the most amorous caresses take possession of me. As for my heart, there you will always be — very much so. I have a delicious sense of you there. But my God, what is to become of me, if you have deprived me of my reason? This is a monomania which, this morning, terrifies me. And as I finish this letter in hope you'll stumble upon it, I feel torn between feelings of relief and sadness because I realize that no words will ever make you feel for me what I've been feeling for you in the passing months and yet I wrote down what's been so long inside me and what I could never say in person.